HI Phil,
Thanks for asking. I suppose if you look at things from an external point
of view, life isn’t very encouraging right now with the church or Chris.
With our house, however, things are looking up, though the wheels of
progress are still turning exceedingly slow. We’re still waiting for a
final construction meeting and then the closing. We’re still hopeful that
construction itself will begin before the end of the month, but I have
learned not to have very high expectations.
The offering at church yesterday was around $500 below what we need to
make budget. Personally, so far, our family is still doing okay. Besides
working at the post office, Greg did two funerals in the past few weeks
for people in the community so, crass as that sounds, that helps. I don’t
know what the church will do though. It’s really a spiritual battle, I
believe, more than a physical one. You already knew that though.
I’m convinced that Chris’s battle is more spiritual than physical as
well, but until he wants to do something about it, there isn’t much we
can do except pray. I know that that’s a lot, but you know how it is as a
parent. You just wish that you could reach in and fix him!! We still
haven’t heard from the probation officer about Chris’s lost papers. I
want to go in and just have a talk with her and get to know her and tell
her some about our situation . I think that that would be helpful. Greg
and I had a private meeting with Eric, Chris’s counselor last week to
tell him things about Chris that he may not pick up otherwise. It’s hard
to really get to know a kid when you only see him in a group for a 90
minute session once a week. Last month Chris was experimenting with
playing with a propane lighter and spray cans so now all spray cans have
been removed from the house and Matthew found the lighter and brought it
to us. Chris has also taught himself how to spin a knife and have it land
on its tip on our kitchen floor. There are also slashes on the floor and
knife marks in the wall of a tall counter in our kitchen. Eric would have
never picked that up on his own. Unfortunately, this damage also really
bites because we had been hoping to sell this place to get enough money
to finish off the basement on our house on our own, but now, with needing
to replace drywall and kitchen flooring, it doesn’t look like we will get
much.
When Chris does his school work he gets 90s and 100s, but he gets mostly
zeros because he either loses or doesn’t bother to hand in his work.
Chris also has a lot of anxiety and he is an extreme peerfectionest and
that kind of thinking holds him back from organized sports and from
looking for a job. He just doesn’t like to be corrected or to demonstrate
that he may not know everything that there is to know about any
particular subject. If he doesn’t come in first in an organized sport, it
would show that he needs work. Also, on a team sport, it may be revealed
that he isn’t in tiptop shape and he doesn’t want anyone else to know
that. If he gets a job, he may have to be tought how to do something on
the job or tought how to do something a new way and Chris doesn’t want to
change his ways. He also doesn’t want to have set hours for a job. He
wants to be able to do things when he wants too, not when he has too.
Thus, the missing homework as well. Eric has noticed, and we agree, Chris
is not a happy kid, but how could he be. He claims to be a Christian, but
he knows that his behavior and his treatment of us is so unChrist like.
You can’t be truly happy when you know that you are walking down the
wrong road. Last week Chris asked me if I ever wished that I could be in
heaven? Don’t worry, I saw the red flags immediately, but he has only
mentioned it once so far. I know that that means that it isn’t the first
time that he has thought about it though. So far, we’re pretty sure that
drugs aren’t involved. Eric is suggesting that if we have to call the
police again, we should have Chris hospitalized, but I don’t know. I just
pray that we have the time to keep talking to people in the know, so that
if and when we have to act, we’ll know, kind of, what we’re doing.
It’s so hard because we don’t have any of this trouble with our other
three kids. The rest of us have similar interests and do a lot together.
This weekend we watched a few movies and took a walk together to collect
bottles and cans. We invite Chris, but he isn’t interested in any of the
stuff that we do. It’s just hard for me mentally because Chris used to be
such a happy, cooperative, reliable kid. It’s kind of like, he’s all
covered up in this mean, grouchy monster right now that is difficult to
live with. It reminds me of the boy Eustess in C. S. Lewis’s book, "The
Dawn Treader," from his Chronicles of Narnia series, who was trapped in
the body of a dragon until the lion Aslan removed it. I truly believe
that Chris will not come back until he surrenders to Jesus and finds joy
in the purpose that God has for him. Anything else that we do for him,
Therapy, conserta, whatever, is just for the sake of our being able to
tolerate him until he decides differently.
Well Phil, this was probably way more than you were asking for, but
thanks for letting me ramble. Chris is home today, supposedly sick. He
could have toughed it out and gone, but just didn’t want too. I’ll
probably make it another unexcused absence with the school, which means 8
more detensions, and 8 more times that Greg has to go out of the way to
pick him up because there is no late buss, but I have no idea if he,
Chris, really cares.
God bless,
Kathy

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