Homesickness and Grief

                 How easy the Enemy Plants Lies


                         By Phil Scovell


     The first time I recall being homesick, was the first time I
left for church camp.  I was about 10 years old.  I had not lost
my sight yet and I well remember being picked up by friends from
church, along with their own children who were going to camp.  As
their car backed out of our driveway, tears came to my eyes as I
realized I was leaving my family for the first time.  Once away
from the house, of course, there were so many new and fun things
going on, I never felt that homesickness again all that week.  I
would, however, feel those feelings again in my lifetime and they
would be multiplied a million times over in intensity and I
wouldn't have long to wait.

     Separation Anxiety Disorder, or SAD for short, almost defines
itself.  It normally occurs during very early years of childhood.
It can develop when the child, or adolescent, becomes separated
from family or friends to whom they are attached emotionally and
psychologically.  If the separation is prolonged and is
accompanied by some form of trauma, it can develop into a
disorder.  extreme and abnormal SAD cases can develop into other,
and more acute psychological psychosis disorders such as
schizophrenia.

     One day, just after turning 50 years old, something happened
to trigger my emotions negatively.  I don't recall now what that
event, or thought, was, but it was something strong enough, such
as fear or loneliness, to make me stop immediately what I was
doing and pray to locate the cause.

     "Lord," I prayed quietly, "this triggered something in me and
there must be an origin that caused this feeling I'm having right
now."  Take me to the original source, the very first time, I felt
these feelings."

     I didn't have to wait long.  Almost immediately, I saw a 12
year old boy standing at the front door of the school as he was
saying goodbye to his family.  My father had died a little more
than a year earlier.  Being pronounced blind by the doctor, I now,
two weeks later, was being enrolled at the Nebraska school for the
blind which was 45 miles from my home in Omaha.  Now, as I stood
defeated by my blindness, I wouldn't see my mom and sisters except
for weekends.  Sadness and fear and doubt fell all around me like
a summer downpour until I was drenched.  I had never been so sad
and so afraid in my life.

     As I continued to pray and to focus on what I felt, I could
not see what this memory could have to do with what I was
presently feeling.  I prayed a more tightly focused prayer.

     "Lord?  Something hurts in this memory event in my life.
Where is the lie in this memory?"

     I instantly felt it.  I was holding on to my mom and sisters
and we were all crying so hard, we could barely speak.  Mom
looked up and saw the school wrestling coach, Mr. Davis, who also
was the mobility instructor in the school.  "I'm sorry, sir.  This
is all very hard."

     "Don't think a thing about it, mam," he said quietly.  "I had
to do this once when I left to go to a school for the blind, too.
I know exactly how you feel and take all the time you need."  The
coach then stepped back a few paces to show he wanted to give us
room to say our goodbyes.

     "I'll never see you again," I heard myself saying to my mom
and sisters.  They all tried to encourage me the best they could
and promising me they would be back Friday afternoon to pick me up
for the weekend.  "No," I cried.  "I'll never see you again.  I'll
never see you again," I repeated over and over.

     "Philip," my mother said, "why do you keep saying that?"

     "I don't know; I don't know.  I just know I will never see
you again."

     As the painful memories of this scene began to spread through
my adult emotions now almost forty years later, I saw the lie.
"I'll never see you again."  Yes, that was fear speaking but it
was more than that.  Why would a twelve year old boy, old enough
to understand, old enough to reason, and old enough to comprehend,
suddenly begin thinking, and even saying, he would never see his
family again.  I can answer that question now but when this
happened, I could not understand why I was saying it even at that
moment.  At this super sensitive time of my life, a lie was
implanted that would create fear and anxiety for years into my
future.

     As I prayed and saw this lie which the Holy Spirit revealed
to me, I realized what was happening and asked the Lord to speak
His truth concerning it.  What was His truth?  I wasn't going to
die and I was hearing a lie from the Enemy.  It instantly freed me
from the bondage of the homesickness pain which radiated
throughout the balance of my life from this one event.

     This memory came to mind because my daughter, a woman now 25
years of age, with two children and a husband who had filed for
divorce, was recently admitted to a drug and alcohol
rehabilitation center run by the Salivation Army.  Her children,
living with us, and spending some nights with their father, were
experiencing intense homesickness due to the absence of their mom
whom they will be unable to see or talk with for many weeks.  My
wife, who is also blind and left home when she was just 4 years
of age to attend a school for the blind, felt the acute
homesickness she felt when she was little and had to leave her
own parents.  It is a classic example of how every day experiences
can trigger emotions, which are literally decades old, but are
acutely felt as if they just happened for the first time.  In the
case of my grandchildren, however, I could pray against such
unholy lies being implanted into their thinking.  How?  By just
praying against it.  Does that really work?  The Bible says it
does.

     What if the feelings you have are for a loved one who has
passed away.  You are now literally separated from them; never to
see them again in this life.  Grief is nothing more than intense
homesickness.  It is normal to experience the feelings of
homesickness, and even grief, at the time of the event.  If the
pain of the homesickness, or grief, continues and creates intense
sadness or pain a year or two later, or even 20 or 30 years later,
there is something in the original event that needs to be healed
by the True Lord Jesus Christ.  If left alone and ignored, they
will continue creating pain and emotional discomfort and even
more.  These areas of woundedness are easily renewed by the Lord
Jesus Christ through agreement in intercessory prayer.


I Flew Kites With Jesus
www.SafePlaceFellowship.com