The appointment went very well.  I was very surprised to see, that my mom
actually let me, for the majority, handle things pretty much, totally on my
own, which a corse, I wasn't expecting in the least.  He felt thatt there
wasn't really enough information to judge the situation as of yet.  he wants
to see more of the past medical background, ya know, like, lab work, blood
results, etc.  He said he basicly doesn't wanna start me all over from
ground 1.  he feels that what's the point of redoing something that's
already been done if there is an adiquit measure of result.  he is seeming
to not take this only from a psychological perspective, but instead from all
angles that there are such as but not limited to:

medically
neurologicly
spiritually
subconciously
conciously
sleep patterns
MRI's
E E G's
geneticly


past family medical history traced not just of my generation, but all the
way back to my ancesters.


he was even honest enough to say, Chris, i am not gonna recommend anything
to you yet, nor set you up another appointment, as the info in this
consultation is not enough for me to make any type diagnosis, or any type
suggestion of treatment.

i even asked him, what if the treatment were when found, to involve dayly
injections of serotonan, or whatever...

I can't see, so it would be hard enough emotionally from me to stick myself,
much less, do it right...  he told me Chris, firstly, don't jump a creak.
We don't even know yet that is going to happen, but, if it does, i'll
schedule appointments with you at your designated injection times to talk
you through it step by step and watch you until you get the full hang of it
confidently.

He told me he's not just quote:  gonna leave me hanging in the dark.  i
finally asked 'em:  well what if suppose you get all the work results, only
to see that all possibilities have been thoroughly exhausted.  Then he said,
well, then, you must be an alian coming to abduct me, as Chris, no human on
this earth is perfect.  if you have a problem, medically, there is a
deffinent cause and effect of reason behind it.  quote:  God wouldn't a just
put you hear with your issues and then say, OK Chris, live with it and get
over it."  There is, Chris, a reason under all this that's gowen on, the
question's just what.  he then said, I've been doing this practice now for
35 years, and I've yet even once Chris, seen even one time that a patient
was totally hopeless, and no matter what couldn't in one manor or another be
treated.  Granted, yes, some of them took up to a decade to be treated,
however, 10 years is shorter than never.

He's very determined to figure this out, but he just says, I can't do
anything now Chris.  I need more doctor records, and over all in a whole:  I
need more info...

We're gonna sign the release forms and get them to him, so that he can get
all the info...  I figure yeah, as much as lab blood work doesn't please or
thrill my appitite sota speak, if they have to drain me dry, not they would,
but if they did, who cares.  I'm desperet.  I toldem today, Doctor, i cannot
stand needles for even a split second, however, if it means getting rid of
these thoughts, a simple little finger prick, shot, IV, Capiter, or needle
in my arm to draw blood won't hurt.  I'd much rather feel that than the pain
of guilt of these thoughts...  I told him, kill me with a gun if you'd like.
i'm so desperet, pain isn't a factor to me at this point.  Just do it!
Whatever it takes, who cares, just treat me!  He told me if I'll trust him,
yet realize it won't be immediate, necessarily, maybe, but not guaranteed,
then he promises he will...  i therefore, gave him my totally trust.

I think we're gonna do it...


Anyway, just wanted to fill yall in...


Chris.