HI Lelia,
I try to learnfrom all of my past and it's hard to own up to the
embarrassing parts of it but the comforting thing is that you can say, well
I was younger then and didn't know any better or hadn't grown enough yet to
realize the full affect of what I was doing.
Where it gets sticky, is when it has involved other people and your behavior
might have affected them negatively but still, everyone's got to deal with
their own life and if they have god, they hopefully have forgiveness and a
way to find peace in their own memories of the past and their part in them.
I tend to dwell on the past too much and worrey a lot but I am working on
this.
Now that Terri and I are becoming more of a team and we are talking more and
sharing Jimmy and Karron Evan's teachings and the bible's teachings, I am
feeling less alone and less responsible for everything all on my own.
It is good to have support and someone to share your feelings with and to
have the security of not having them walk out the door to go back to their
life.
I hope all that made since.
hahahahahhahahah
Something I feel sort of bad about which I have done in the last day or so
is that I put someone on this list on block so that I would no longer
receive messages from them.
I mostly deleted messages from them in the past because I couldn't seem to
relate or my words hurt instead of helping but still, as long as I had their
messages coming into my in-box I had the compulsion to take a peek every
once in a while and I would respond with what I thought good advice but
again it seemed to hurt instead of help so I finally made this decision to
block their messages.
Doesn't seem very christian of me does it?
Still, I am doing it because I don't want to hurt someone else or to hurt
myself and my family by getting back on the hampster wheel of trying to
relate and/or comfort.
There is still an inner struggle their but it is a different kind and maybe
not as damaging.

Take Care,

Matt