Hi, All!

In the midst of our serious discussions, we need a little humor to balance
things out.  I hope you will enjoy a serving of this.

Jane
Tucson, AZ  USA


Doctor's Advice

[Dr. Bob is an expert in his field!]

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.
     Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it.
     Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out
     eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
     longer. That's like saying you can extend the life of your
     car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow
     eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So
     a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of
     delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
     chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (and,
     green leafy vegetables). And a pork chop can give you
     100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable
     slop.


Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables.
     As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world
     into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We
     all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are
     not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves
     one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and
     enjoy your liquid vegetables.


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your
     ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio
     is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
     regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
     Pain...  Good.


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable
     oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more
     vegetables be bad for you?


Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO... Cocoa beans... another vegetable!!!
     "It's the best feel good food around!"


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may
have had about food and diets. Have a cookie... flour is a
veggie! One more thing "When life hands you lemons, ask for
a bottle of tequila and the salt.