Theola,

>From: "Barbara Sheppard"
>
> > The statement 'others are not the cause of  your personal
> > failures to go/stay paleo' is very harsh, in my opinion.
>
>As I stated up front, I did not at all mean it to be harsh.  But lest my
>point was lost or missed, I'll re-phrase it with an "I" message:  I am the
>only one responsible for what enters my mouth.

That's fair enough. I was merely concerned about the way your statement
might sound to someone who's trying hard to be paleo, but is still finding
it difficult (as was apparently the case for the person to whom you were
responding). I was saying that I can identify with some of the reasons why
it might be difficult. I thought that such a person could possibly be
frightened off by the tone of your response and might decide that it's all
too difficult and not worth bothering about.

> > There _are_ significant emotional/psychological issues associated with
> > being 'the odd one out'
>
>My experience is that unless I specifically make a big deal out of it or
>call attention to what I do or don't eat, nobody ever takes a first, much
>less a second, look at my plate.  I never think of it as "poor me" or feel
>odd about it.

If I'm preparing the food, of course I can choose to eat what I like, and
it's no big deal.

My comments were more about
(a) situations in which others are preparing food for me - often they do
adapt their meals for me, but when that doesn't happen, I still like to
accept what is offered; and
(b) situations in which I am cooking for others and at least sometimes want
to give them what _they_ really like eating, because I know that they get a
bit bored with the paleo stuff, although they mostly do eat it. One of my
daughters is vegetarian, so preparing paleo meals that fully include her
would probably mean having eggs at every meal.

> >, and I feel that this aspect of a person's choice to eat paleo needs just
>as much support as >the actual food choices that are made.
>
>Well, yeah, support is nice, for sure, but inner-direction (as opposed to
>other-direction) is a lot more 24/7 reliable, don't you think?

Sure - once that inner-direction has been firmly established, which might
take a while for someone who is new to paleo.

> > I find that there is a constant tug-of-war between my desire to eat
> > according to my body's needs (as I perceive them) and my desire to fit in
> > socially with those around me. This leads to compromises, which I am
> > sometimes willing to make for the sake of harmonious family and social
> > relationships.
>
>Harmonious to whom--others or the inner you?

Both - and in particular the inner me. That's exactly the point I was
trying to make. It's not just about the food choices, but also very much
about how everyone who is involved in a meal feels about the situation.

I'm talking about being prepared to make some concessions to others just as
they have to make concessions to me because I don't eat the same way they
do. I think it would be unreasonable of me to expect that the concessions
all go one way. Even though I believe that paleo is the right way to eat, I
don't believe that I should be so rigid about it that other people feel
uncomfortable about sharing meals with me. (Of course, people who have
serious health issues when eating non-paleo will probably feel justified in
being quite strict with what they eat.)

You may say it's the others' problem if they feel uncomfortable about my
food choices, but they are, after all, in the majority. That's what I meant
when I referred to being the odd one out - that there's only one of me in a
sea of 'others'. I didn't mean to imply that I feel persecuted because of
my food choices.

>   Sounds like you've created a
>no-win (damned if you eat, damned if you don't) emotional state for yourself
>for how you perceive yourself and how you think others perceive you.

I don't much care how others perceive me if I think I'm doing the right
thing for myself. I do, however, care about how _I_ treat _them_. That's
what this discussion is about, for me.

>   But,
>horrors, if your family/friends really do give you hell about what you
>eat/don't eat, then you're surrounded by a pack of control freaks.

Not at all. They think I'm a bit strange, but that really doesn't bother
me. They certainly don't give me hell.

> > it's mostly worth the extra effort that's required.
> > But it's certainly not 'a piece of cake' ...
>
>Again, we're probably just very different people, but much of the paleo
>appeal to me is its simplicity.

I fully agree - the complexity comes in trying to be flexible enough to
cater for other people's desires as well as my own.

Again - to clarify what I was trying to do: I wasn't having a whinge at how
difficult it is for me to be paleo - I'm quite happy with the level to
which I practise it - I was merely empathising with others who may be
finding it difficult by setting out some of the day-to-day reality that
doesn't fit in very well with a purist attitude to the paleo ideal.

Regards,
Barbara