> *You just HAD to tell me [in my capacity as a former Arizonan] that
> part, didn't you?
> *
Ralph: For your entertainment, the extended story of my urgent need for
a translator...
Title: Imbecile Readers
Gabriel Orgrease’s story: “A Morning at the Bombastus Motor Court”
Wherein K. Phileteus Seaoger, businessman, Spastic Beach Entrepreneur of
the Year, author/inventor of the Flatulator Biofeedback Learning System
while stoned out of his gourd relates through the narrator his abduction
aboard a UFO one night in the county park and the subsequent sodomy
enacted upon him by the alien’s chief honcho using the infamous Tin
Peter [histo presto content in the heritage object].
“He assumed various positions on his stomach, back, and side as the
beings examined him all over. They touched him. They touched him many
times with little little fingers. They had tiny fingers like the suckers
of extinct tree frogs. They probed, prodded, and pinched. They scraped
his thighs and poked his eyelids. One of them pulled out a lunch box and
began eating a pastrami sandwich. After the beings applied a clumplike
device to his hip region and poked his stomach with a slender silver
vibrator that emitted blue-green sparks, they flexed his legs with
another godlike device.”
This is the relevant portion of the review shakti brien [fashionable
lower case Id] entered for "A Morning at the Bombastus Motor Court"
Oh! This story is so heavy that I had difficulty to read it all. The
language needs to be lightened up. Is this a translation? It appears
that it would be better to write your story in your original language
and have it translated.
Title of shakti’s 1st story: “WHAT GIRLS DID, WHAT GIRLS WANT, HOT
POTATO, DECRUCIFIXION, DECRUCI+FICTION” 2003 Copyright by shakti brien.
Premise of the author’s story: American reporter Dany Suissa has a hot
potato in her hand: a "caught-on-tape" document that could change the
course of History. Would it be broadcasted or go only HBO? (This is a
first draft. Does this Short Story have the potential to become a good
Short Story? Please indicate. Does it have the potential to become an
original corky short film? Thank you for reading, your interest,
comments, direction and feedback. S.)
1843 words
What the story might be about if it made any sense: young women, uber
post-feminist God mothers, go on a spree to remove Jesus from all images
of crucifixes because Jesus’ father appears in a dream and is upset over
the replay of his son’s most painful moment.
Quote from the story: ‘Aqua drank water from an Evian bottle. "Would you
like some?" ‘
My review of “WHAT GIRLS DID, WHAT GIRLS WANT, HOT POTATO,
DECRUCIFIXION, DECRUCI+FICTION”: Incredibly having you liberate our
brain here in your story premise. Good good American grammar and spell
give immediate impression, only decrochification but very stiff story
revealed must be to wide world earliest and most available television
power media. We don't get HBO my country, so sorry I will not be to see
this able no more. Funny trick Dany giving a name sounds that like a
balls man, the androgynous you are brilliant. And her friend, Aqua...
let us thirst not never fuckin (this you say?) this babe! Very much
leanr from you English better much good. Who is this Evian? Where do
they put toungue? Cheek in ass, no? Like broaden mass-intelligence goog
matiphor makes liberty here my house we party tonite for you. Thank much
you review my uncle story gte brother Carlos to translate what you say.
Potential got you with this big real time much money famous for flim or
story. Very exited! Thank you be friend me?
Title of shakti’s 2nd story: “CREATORA” Copyright 2003 by shakti brien
817 words
Premise of the author’s story: Ma Donna meets the Pope to set the
records straight. An eye-opener.
Quote from “CREATORA”: "Stucked into the womb of the earth, he started
to hallucinate and hear Her voice inside."
In the words of the author himself (note the good English):
Thirty-year old New York reporter Ma Donna is a journalist-reporter
passionately devoted to her Goddess Art collection. Her search, to find
more authentic pieces leads her to the Vatican, where the vaults are
apparently loaded with sculptures, artifacts and sacred objects taken
from Goddess temples destroyed by the Church and the Roman Empire to
impose their new world order.
Arriving in Rome, Ma Donna requests an audience with the Pope to discuss
the restoration of women spiritual heritage, but he declines. He lets
her know, through his secretary, that Guido Lavanni, the reputed art
(maffia) collector, would be happy to guide her around the city and
answer all her questions.
Guido receives the collector with grace. She likes his manners and
elegance, but she can't help to superimpose an image of snake over his
face as he speaks. Nevertheless, as they sip wine together at a Via
Veneto Cafe, they feel at ease with a certain pulse of lust between them.
As he offers a ride in the country, she accepts under the condition that
he shows her his art collection when they come back. He accepts. At the
end of the day, when they return to his villa near the Fontain of Trevi,
he shows her his marvels.
"No wonder, you keep these pieces secrets," she says. [At which point I
begin to wonder if Mr. Lavanni has any lithographs?]
***
My review of “CREATORA”: Me no want be stucked and no voice come from
stomach but gas fart. Story you make me scary I wnat hid in bathroom...
throw awy bible. What is rictus? Where sixteen chapels? Learn much
English here you so happy make me I take bus to desert when arrive JKF
next Turdsay. You shoe me special time we go to movie three times I
bring rock from Jesus cave we got little little peace from Jose
Tauntalino. So much better me you frind American. Happy Mchaelangolo
lucky finger he was girl. Life here sucks mor storeis write you send
nice genies very smart American boy I bring sister. OK?
Subsequent to this last communication I have had no further contact from
shakti.
XXX
--
To terminate puerile preservation prattling among pals and the
uncoffee-ed, or to change your settings, go to:
<http://maelstrom.stjohns.edu/archives/bullamanka-pinheads.html>
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