Jenny, Have you found the www.GFCFdiet.com yet?  That's a web site for people
who have to avoid gluten and casein.  You can find many milks and beverages
there.  My son never had the red eyes, or big rashes, (only occasionally), or
distended stomach.  He is autistic and we did have some hitting behaviors. I
did not see immediate great results, only slow improving results.  Hey, I'll
take slow improving results too!!  He is on the diet about a year although I
have made many mistakes in that year.  Each day I learn a little bit more and
get better and better at it.  I send all his snacks from home when he is in
school.  When friends come over, they can eat his cookies, or I just tell him
that he has to eat his cookies.  He feels so much better on the diet that I
usually don't have a problem telling him that he cannot have something.  He
is 10 though and not 4.  Good luck, Joanne