LOL, very funny! I'll have you know you made me spill my tea. Fortunately
I'm wearing dark slacks today.
I loathe and fear voice mail systems because I can't hear them and get
thoroughly lost in the maze. I just punch "0" or ask the Relay operator to do
it.
Kat
On Fri, 16 Aug 2002 10:15:29 EDT "BG Greer, PhD" <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Subject: Voice Mail for Mental Health Centers
>
>
> Answering machine at a mental health facility:
>
> "Hello, and welcome to the mental health
> hotline..."
>
> If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1
> repeatedly.
>
> If you are codependent, please ask someone to
> press 2 for you.
>
> If you have multiple personalities, press 3,
> 4, 5, and 6.
>
> If you are paranoid, we know who you are and
> what you want. Stay on the
> line so we can trace your call.
>
> If you are delusional, press 7 and your call
> will be transferred to the
> mother ship.
>
> If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and
> a small voice will tell you
> which number to press. Remember, you are never
> alone!
>
> If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't
> matter which number you
> press, no one will answer.
>
> If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
>
> If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget
> with the pound key until
> a representative comes on the line.
>
> If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your
> name, address, telephone
> number, date of birth, social security
> number, and your mother's maiden name.
>
> If you have post-traumatic stress disorder,
> s-l-o-w-l-y &
> c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
>
> If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a
> message after the beep or
> before the beep or after the beep. Please
> wait for the beep.
>
> If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> If you have short-term
> memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
> memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
> memory loss, press 9.
>
> If you have low self-esteem, please hang up.
> All operators are too busy
> to talk to you.
>
> If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the
> fan, lay down & cry. You
> won't be crazy forever.
>
> If you are blonde don't press any buttons,
> you'll just mess it up.
>
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