Michael (he of the no-last-name :-) ) writes--

>Recently I picked up a heath magazine and was fascinated by an article on
>raw foods and I decided I would go the "cold turkey" route that Michele
>cautioned against. Not only that, but I decided to also give up Skoal,
>Macanudos and wine at the same time.

>Well, this new dietary regimen hit my system like a scud missile. The day
>after I began the diet I had an attack of flatulence that caused me
>considerable embarrassment at work. Not only did I pass gas constantly, it
>was so pungent that my boss suggested that I take the afternoon off.

Hi Michael. Your post was quite literally a real gas, :-) and I can
understand why Kirt wasn't inclined to take it seriously. Quite frankly,
something in the way it was written made me think it might be a spoof at
first too. And still does. I mean cigars, wine, chewing terbakky,
flatulence, and 3 women in bed every day, plus a boss gladly suggesting you
take the day off, and then the motivation behind it all being for the
Lord--my gosh, it's one of those things that makes you go "hmmmm" (remember
the old Arsenio Hall show?).

However, :-) assuming for the moment it's not a spoof (and thus risking
serious egg on my beard if it is--but what the hell), I'll be glad to jump
in here and take your problem seriously and maybe make myself look
ridiculous. (What's the internet for if not to make people look ridiculous
after all so everybody else can enjoy it? :-) ) Just in case it was a
spoof, however, I'll make sure I try to keep up a sufficient chuckle
quotient in this reply as well. (And remember, everybody, you saw it here
first--I KNEW I was "had" ahead of time, so it doesn't count! :-\ )

So... anyway... I'm in regular contact with a couple score of natural
hygienists (who eat mostly raw, some of whom eat all-raw, rah! rah!), and
the reactions people have to the all-raw diet vary considerably. Some
people have no gas, while others have quite a bit. (And some spew it out in
more profusion from the front end than the back. :-) ) I'm not real sure
what the percentages would be of people having problems vs. those not.
(Mebbe we should take a poll right here and now! Whaddaya say, folks? :-) )

From what I understand, though, the gas arises from intestinal flora
(bacteria) working overtime on all the cellulose in a raw-food diet, and
contrary to popular belief, vegetarianism/raw-foodism, etc., in and of
itself does not guarantee freedom from gas problems. (Hey, ain't those
bacteria "symbiotic" like they're s'posed to be, or not!?) So what DOES
guarantee freedom from the flatulence? Well, <drum roll, please> there's
ALWAYS....

....BEAN-O! Yes, folks, Beano! Millions of 'mericans swear by Beano to help
them through not only post-nasal drip, acid stomach, and the heartbreak of
psoriasis, but also FLATULENCE. Believe it or not, even the master of hot
air himself, Rush Limbaugh, now recommends that instead of breaking wind,
you break an olympic sprint record instead running right down to your local
health food store and along with that thar Snapple, purchase YOUR Beano
today. Get the RUSH out of YOUR system! Yes, it's possible.... with BEANO!

(By the way, has anybody actually tried those "Bean-O" drops they sell up
at the front counter in your local health-food store? I hear it really
works. Must be a big seller, too, if they have it at the front counters.)

But back to our regularly scheduled posting...

For me, natural gas production :-) reached all-time highs several years ago
when I went on a 95-100% raw vegetarian diet, and it continued to stay at
high levels even some months later. My stock was considerably devalued in
the eyes of my girlfriend, however, who voiced numerous and regular
objections to the aroma at the time--an odiferousness which I sort of got
to where I savored. :-) :-) Some raw-foodists say the problem dissipates
(sorry, couldn't resist) with time as your body adapts to processing
roughage more efficiently, and that may be, but it sure didn't happen for
me.

Another consideration is food-combining. Following so-called food-combining
principles (not combining protein with starch--as occurs naturally in those
danged beans--as well as other rules theoretically designed to improve
digestion) is supposed to ensure efficient assimilation and eliminate gas.
In theory. In practice, it did nothing to mitigate gas for me.

The only thing that finally began putting a lid on the gas was when I
started eating a fair amount of cooked foods again (grains, potatoes,
etc.). I now eat probably about 60%/40% raw by volume and that seems to be
where I function best in general (not just vis-a-vis putting the cork back
in the ol' stopper), after having tried various levels of raw vs. cooked.
Also, I found gas decreased once I finally started IGNORING food-combining
principles after having followed them religiously for a couple of years or
more. Digestion slowed down and I seemed to assimilate my food better that
way and maintained weight easier. Eating the extremely simple meals
advocated by food-combining principles seemed to cause food to pass through
my gut like a freight train and it left me feeling puny a lot (like Nancy
Dunlap mentions in her post) with semi-diarrhea. And then the final cap on
the pipeline which pretty much eliminated any remaining natural-gas leakage
was adding modest amounts of animal foods.

However, YMMV (your mileage may vary). Mine is just one experience. Other
people swear going mostly all-raw solved their gas problems. Listen to your
own body. Experiment. Don't get stuck banging your head against the wall if
one thing doesn't work after you've given it a fair try. Don't get too
sucked into idealism. Be practical. Give theories and ideals consideration,
but in the end, base what you do on results, and be open to revising your
models and theories like a scientist would if the data don't agree with
predictions. Most of all, if this whole train of thought is just a joke
played on the Veg-Raw group, see if you can laugh at it. That's my two
cents.

>but something else
>happened with an even greater potential for negative consequences. I know I
>risk offending some people by telling this. Still, I can't help wondering
>if raw foods have the same effect on others. Anyway, I experienced a sudden
>and dramatic increase in my sex drive! I mean, I was calling women I hadn't
>talked to in years and asking them out. Not an evening went by that I
>didn't get someone to come home with me.

Again, assuming this is not just a spoof (and now risking tomato splats in
addition to any egg dripping from my beard), your situation does seem to,
er uh, stick out from the usual stories I have heard from other
raw-foodists. Many people who go on a raw-food diet seem to have the
expectation (even anticipation and hope) it will make them more "spiritual"
and "lessen" their materialistic desires for sex and so on. For me, it
certainly lowered sex drive, but did nothing for my materialism, since I
craved food all day long on all-raw. (I would just as soon it had been the
other way around: INcreased sex drive, and less hypnotized by food.) Some
people report their sex drive virtually disappears on a raw-food diet.
Relatively few (correct me if I am wrong here, everybody, with your own
stories!) seem to have the vastly increased libido you say you're
experiencing, although it may increase modestly for some.

Not to offend your religious sensibilities regarding masturbation, Michael,
but geez, have you considered utilizing "five-fingered Rosie" (always close
at hand :-) ) rather than feeling the obligation to always take it out on
the women? :-) I'm serious about that. Nothing wrong with either some
creative fantasizing or simple expediency to relieve the urge in my book.
If you ask me, Onan in the bible gets a bad rap. Shoulda been a prophet and
hadda book named after 'im, sez I. :) Of course, if even then it still rubs
you the wrong way, I'm not sure exactly what to say. (Use LOTION,
though--not yer bare hands!)

Another avenue to approach: I find that modest amounts of exercise within
reason increase my energy level and sex drive both. However, during times
when I have gotten into HEAVY endurance training for competition, it's as
if my body needs all its energy for training, and sex drive decreases at
those times. So maybe... enroll in a health club. Visualize the women there
as an attractant to get you to go, then use the steamy atmosphere to sweat
out all those pheromones.

Then again, you say you are young. I still remember what it was like to be
in my late teens/early 20s with periodic binges on a 2 or 3-times-a-day sex
diet. No more. Wait till you're somewhat older. You'll mellow. I know that
doesn't help now, but it may not be so unnatural at your age. That's when
the body's primed for it after all.

Now does anybody want to broach the subject of injaculation as a solution?
(I don't believe in it, but some swear by it.) Then there's tantra,
karezza, and so forth...

--Ward Nicholson <[log in to unmask]> Wichita, KS

P.S. My apologies if some find this post offensive, particularly Michael. I
trust the serious passages are distinguishable enough from the all
leg-pulling.