Oh, and NO Flash animations. In fact, no animations at all.

Kat

On Mon, 1 Jul 2002 12:04:14 -0400 "Cleveland, Kyle E."
<[log in to unmask]> wrote:

More web page ideas:

I looked around the web a while ago for CP sites and found some things that
WILL NOT be on the new page:

BAD MIDI MUSIC!  Lord!  If I want to listen to music, I'll buy a CD!  Why do
people put cheesy MIDI-ditties on their web pages?  I have a hard time
taking a web site seriously if there's a Barbra Striesand MIDI tune playing
in the background.  Why would someone want to waste precious bandwidth on
Cheese-Whiz is beyond me!

POETRY! "There once was a man from Glass
                Who's balls were made from brass
                He'd rub them together, in stormy weather,
                And lightning shot out his ass!"

Now that my contribution to web poetry is over:

Poetry on a web page devoted to things prosaic makes me want to drive to
Hallmark, buy every "Precious Moments" in the place, line them up on the
windowsill and pop them with a BB-gun!  Having said that, there is a place
for poetry.  Just don't put it on a prosaic site.  I wouldn't be comfortable
getting meds from a pharmaceutical company that dabbles in hai-ku as a
secondary venture, would you?

POP-UP ADS FOR WEB CAMERAS!  We all need to make a living, but who actually
buys these things anyway?  Voyeuristic computer nerds?  I know, I know,
sometimes you just have to go along with the ISP.  They "say" you get 15Mb
free, but they don't tell you that goofy pop-ups will be plastered all over.
Unless, of course, they have pix of Sarah Michelle Gellar.  Every man has
his weakness...

"x PEOPLE HAVE VISITED THIS PAGE SINCE MM/DD/YY"  I wouldn't want the world
to know that my web page has been visited three times in two years! ;>)

A NEW BROWSER GETS STARTED EVERY TIME YOU CLICK ON A LINK  Can be useful,
but geez, bandwidth doesn't grow on trees--especially if you got a dial-up.

SIX FRAMES GOING AT ONCE  Honest to God, there's a CP page out there that
has six, count 'em, SIX frames on one screen.  If this won't make you clean
your mouse ball, nothing will!

ANYTHING REMOTELY RESEMBLING "DEEP THOUGHTS"  It didn't get many laughs on
Saturday Night Live, and that was SUPPOSED to be funny.  Remind me to stop
by Hallmark on the way home....

ANGELS  Yeah, I think they're real.  No, I don't think they look like Gibson
Girls with wings.  I don't get it.  What's the point?

ANY LINK TO THAT CP PREACHER GUY        Yep, I'm a Christian. Yep, I "know
why bad things happen to God's people." Now let's pass the plate for the
nice crippled preacher boy.  Nothing like cashing in on naive compassion.
Oral Roberts shoulda used crutches.  That way, God wouldn't have to "take
him home" for not paying his $6 million MasterCard bill. Oy!

DID I MENTION BAD MIDI MUSIC?   "Angel Beneath My Wings" was maudlin enough
when Bette did it.  Now I'm gonna have to go wash out my sound
card....again.

AWWW!!  ENOUGH ALREADY!  IF I WANT MUSIC I'LL PUT A CD IN THE CD-ROM DRIVE!

DEAD LINKS  If we're going to have a web page, let's check the links oncet
in a while to make sure they're still there, ok?

Humor aside, all these things have their place on the web (except for BAD
midi, of course), but not on a page designed to communicate issues to a
broad spectrum of professions and individuals.  If these items hold special
appeal for you. please note that the idea is not for Kyle or Kat's personal
page.  Professional decorum is the order of the day.  The aim is to make
this a useful site for as many people possible for as long a time as
possible.

Thanks!

-Kyle