Dear Lori,

  With all the confusion and brain cramps you've been experiencing about
health, I hope this little guide can clarify a few things for you.

Six Frequently Asked Questions About Health:

Q#1:
I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything
wears out eventually.  Speeding up your heart will not make you live
longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving
it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q#2:

Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?  Grass, hay,
and
corn. And what are these?  Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken (but avoid the free-range.  They eat bushes and bugs - no
grain). Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetables.

Q#3:

Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we
all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories:
animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not
animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only
leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your
liquid vegetables.

Q#4:

How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q#5:

What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain-No Pain.

Q#6:

Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not!  When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. I hope this has cleared
up any misconceptions you may have had.

  Love,
Catherine