oh, lord help me,, i like these.
-----Original Message-----
From: Yvonne Craig [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Thursday, January 10, 2002 9:24 AM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Off topic: Puns Intended
Thought a few of you on the list would appreciate these -you are such =
"pun-ny" people. :-) Warning: some are definitely groaners!
Enjoy!
Yvonne
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The =
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, but only one =
carrion per passenger."
2. Two boll weevils grew up in Mississippi. One went to Hollywood and =
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and =
never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the =
lessor of two weevils.
3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in =
the craft, it sank - proving once again that you can't have your kayak and =
heat it, too.
4. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to =
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root =
canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in =
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an =
hour the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But =
why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because" he said,"I can't stand =
chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
7. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to =
a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in =
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself =
to his birth mother. On receiving the picture, she tells her husband that =
she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "They're =
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a =
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers =
from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition =
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. =
He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the =
rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in =
town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed =
their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, =
they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent =
florist friars.
9. We all know who Gandhi was, right? He was a spiritual man who fasted =
regularly. Some may not realize that fasting, when practiced regularly and =
for extended periods, leads not only to weight loss, but can also cause
bad breath. No matter, his interests were higher. This great leader hardly =
ever wore shoes. One might say he was ... a super-calloused fragile mystic =
plagued with halitosis. (whew !)
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to =
friends, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. =
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did!!
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