Hi Perk,
    First off I'll say that I don't have CP, so I can't say that I know
precisely where your coming from in that respect. I subscribe to the list
because my 5yr old granddaughter has CP. Now before you think that I'm an
ancient old Granny, I'd better tell you that I'm a 49 yr old young Nana
<VBG>. I probably seem pretty old to you though, since I have children about
your age.
     Your letter touched me. I read it and thought, Wow, this kid is tough!
Over and over again you met challenges,that many of us never face,and
struggled thru each time. Some days just surviving is a success story in
itself. You've done much more than just survive.
       As far as the anger and depression go, as I said I don't have CP, so I
can't address things from that perspective, but you certainly seem to have a
darn good reason for your anger. I'm well aquainted with anger and have had
my own battles with depression. At my ripe old age <G> I 've figured out a
couple of things. One is that it doesn't really matter in the long run, if  I
have a really great reason for my anger. It seems that prolonged rage,
justified or not, hurts me more than it hurts anyone else. It's the most self
destructive emotion I know. It drains you physically and emotionally and just
plain gets in the way of any good feelings. It holds you back
from getting on with your life. Now notice I said "prolonged rage" . I
personally feel that an occasional darn good hissy fit does wonders for a
soul.
      The other point concerns depression. I think it's good that you can
recognize when it's creeping up on you. It seems that if you can "catch" it
very early on, sometimes you can work out what's bothering you before it
becomes overwhelming. It's a battle for sure, as you well know ( you're a
veteran). My concern is that you might wait until you're in too deep, before
you realize that you need some help. My experience has been that by the time
you really know that you're in trouble, you're so overwhelmed with depression
that you can't ask for help. Please don't let it get to that point. You've
fought and won too many battles to let it get you now. I'm glad that you
wrote to the list . I'm glad that you're here.
Hope ( the young Nana)