In a message dated 1/27/00 5:56:09 PM Eastern Standard Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:

> The board making the selection is so distinguished it >>cannot be listed!<<
>  But, I also want to share a deep concern - the awful thought that if, by
>  submitting my data  (including "Letter of the alphabet under which you wish
>  to be listed") I was the 2000th entry - the last one - and John Leeke or
Dan
>  the Epic Poet were turned down?  What if - horrors! - there was room for
> only a single ... Ken Follett?

Sharpshooter,

Not to worry, and thanks for sharing your fame anxiety.

Recently I returned one of those cards for the Who's Who of Professionals. As
if I don't have enough to do, I was either flattered or curious. So, the
pitch comes a pleasant voiced woman calls and tells me that the Board has
accepted my application, then asks me if I will be available a week hence for
my phone *interview* by the CEO. I made my appointment. I did not sleep well
for all of the next week, I'm not sure if it was the build-up of anticipation
or the chronic pain in my shoulders. Come Friday, to the appointed minute, I
received another call in the middle of lunch, from another pleasant woman
asking me if I was ready for my interview, to which I assented with a hearty,
"Let's go!" I'm on hold now, being on hold is an interesting life, no music,
"What is keeping them?". My cheeseburger & fries are getting cold. I'm
hungry. I want recognition. Give me recognition, now! Where would you like to
go today? So, the interview with the CEO, who quickly challenged, and lost,
that she had risen earlier in the morning than I due to her need to interview
candidates in extoci places (was she a stripper in a second life?), such a
special special person calling little me -- and then we were off. It is not
wise if you want global recognition to make ironic coments about the phone
interviewer during the phone interview, but it is fun.

This was one of the most delightful suck-up sales pitches I have ever had the
pleasure to endure. She was a keeper, or, at least, I think she thought I was
a keeper. I was smiling the whole way, mind you, there was no sex talk or
anything kinky like that, very Victorian, serious, royal flush. I was
ecstatic, here I was being offered instant access to 80,000 professionals
worldwide that all I needed to do is ask a question on the Internet and they
would all, just like myself in wanting to spend my life answering their
stupid questions, would rush to answer my one important question. It was very
difficult to resist the temptation of having my questions answered by
important professional people such as myself. And the book... I should not
forget the book, I guess it is like a thick phone book with a hard binding?

About this point I needed a johnny break, and this is when the Dhelila, I
think she was calling from a sunny and peachy sweet Georgia, hit with the
modest sum of $928.00 for the regular package, and $1,128 for the deluxe
package (I may not have heard correctly about the golden toilet seat with
thermal heating). I then struck with all of the might and sense of self
confidence that I was able to muster, in such a weakened condition, and
boldly stated, "But, Dhelila, I don't need to pay nobody nothing to know me,
and if they don't know me it is their problem, not mine. I mean like, it is
enough for me that you called today to make this offer. Besides, it sounds
like (da da doom with a downbeat for emphasis) ADVERTISING."

Whoa! This seemed to change the situation quickly and instead of paddling in
the Bahamas I felt like we were in the Arctic trying to extricate my fat
tongue from an iceberg. The price suddenly dropped to $545 without the golden
tush pad and only 40,000 connections to the Internet and a paperback listing.
Well, in the end, I got nothing but wisdom as how to make a really kool phone
sales pitch. They were good. I figure it was worth the entertainment value
alone... think, I could have paid to go to a movie and had less to talk about
on BP.

I highly recommend that everyone pursue professional recognition simply for
the benefit of the education in how to make a professional sales call.

On a different note... Lurker Raydome pointed out to me yesterday that the
new flip-up Motorola cell phones we got at Apple are just the right size that
we could pretend they are INVESTIGATOR's badges when trying to get past any
of the few remaining elevator operators to get to the roof of the buildings
in Manhattan to look at the scenery, and the scaffold rigging. Ain't
technology grand!

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