On Fri, 17 Sep 1999, Ralph Walter wrote:
> There may have been a hidden message in the cornmeal. The Czarina was
> advised by Environmentally Concerned Hebrews that the standard method
> of Tashlich (a Jewish ritual done on the New Year in which one
> symbolically casts away one's sins by throwing breadcrumbs in a moving
> body of water, which is immortalized annually in the Times with a
> photo of 10,000 Black Hats standing around down at the Battery) was
> ecologically incorrect....and the ecologically correct solution to
> this problem was to throw cornmeal (symbolizing the sins to be cast
> away) instead.
There is a recurring email message which I always get around this time of
year specifying the types of bread to be used. Every year, the list gets
a little longer ...
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Tue, 14 Sep 1999 23:20:49 -0400
Subject: Subject: Taschlich, a Jewish rite of purification at Rosh Hashanah
Here are instructions for a Jewish technique for self-purification.
Tashlich is done this year on the afternoon of the 2nd day of Rosh
Hashanah.
You go to a running body of water, it can be a stream, creek or river,
etc, and with a stone or crumbs of bread, you say a little prayer and
throw your misdeeds of the prior year, symbolized by the bread etc., into
the running water.
However, taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread is in the
house lacks subtlety, nuance, and religious sensitivity. Instead, this
coming Rosh Hashanah, consider these options:
>> for ordinary sins, use white bread
>> for exotic sins, French bread
>> for particularly dark sins, Pumpernickel
>> for complex sins, Multigrain
>> for twisted sins, pretzels
>> for tasteless sins, Rice cakes
>> for sins of indecision, waffles
>> for sins committed in haste, matzoth
>> for sins committed in less than 18 minutes, Shmirat matzoth
>> for sins of chutzpah, fresh bread
>> for committing arson, toast
>> for committing auto theft, caraway
>> for being ill tempered, sourdough
>> for silliness, nut bread
>> for not giving full value, shortbread
>> for Jingoism, Yankee Doodles
>> for excessive use of irony, Rye bread
>> for excessive use of irony with regard to the Old Soviet Union, Russian
rye
>> for telling bad jokes, Corn bread
>> for hardening our hearts, jelly doughnuts
>> for being money hungry, Enriched bread or Raw dough
>> for warmongering, Kaiser rolls
>> for immodest dressing, Tarts
>> for causing injury or damage to others, tortes
>> for promiscuity, Hot buns
>> for promiscuity with a Christian, Hot Cross Buns
>> for racism, Crackers
>> for sophisticated racism, Ritz crackers
>> for divining off tune, Flat bread
>> for being holier than Thou, bagels
>> for unfairly upbraiding another, Challah
>> for indecent photography, Cheese cake
>> for trashing the environment, Dumplings
>> for sins of laziness, Any very long loaf
>> for sins of pride, Puff pastry
>> for lying, Baked goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra
>> for wearing tasteless hats, Tam tams
>> for the sins of the righteous, Angel food cake
>> for selling your soul, Devil's food cake
>> for lust in your heart, Wonder bread
>> for inhaling, Stoned wheat
>>
>> Remember, you don't have to show your crumbs to anyone.
>>
>>And to all, L'shana Tova & a sweet and peaceful New Year
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